It's been awhile since I've blogged even though there were many moments in the last few months when I was impressed to do so. I had some questions these past few months and some unwillingness to let God mend some broken areas of my heart. I've been angry at Him...even though I love Him, and He loves me so much He doesn't mind me being honest. He always me to bring any imperfection, question and raw emotion for His gentle touch, and He never rushes the process and chastises my unwillingness to "get with the program".
We euthanized my dad's "baby", this week---his little 15 year old chihuahua---a gift from me to him. The gamit of emotions is indescribable. The last two days have been spent beginning a journey of "healing", soul-searching and finding out who Lisa is again without the
tangible identity of "Ronnie's little girl" (which very dear to me). I will always be Ronnie's, but what does that look like without him here? Tonight was such a confirmation and a gift.
Several weeks ago I got an email that Discovery Place was doing a
Body Worlds Exhibit followed by a class on meditation. I LOVE exhibits and museums (going to the
Louvre was one of the highlights of my life). I had unsuccessfully tried to recruit some people to go with me and at $25 a ticket (which is not insignificant to me at this point in our parenthood), in addition driving home with eyes that don't do well in the dark, made me almost forego this experience; however, there are certain things I know beyond "knowing". I KNOW that still, small prompting in my heart to do something even if it seems silly (and usually and
especially when it seems silly). So, I ended up going to the exhibt, tonight in spite of it all. After an endoscopy less than a week ago and all the emotion of dealing with our furbaby, who knew that tonight was just what I was going to need (well...at least I didn't know).
I posted this on my Facebook as the evening began, but at the time, I didn't know the best was yet to come:
Tonight is a gift!! Yes, I am THAT nerd who would choose a solo trip to the museum over a large crowd headed to an amusement park any day! I am an introvert in disguise and a professed hopeless romantic. I love the soothing classical music playing in the background and the dimmed lights! As one who turned down a FULL RIDE to be a radiologist and has had more than her share of anatomy classes the "Body Worlds" exhibit at Discovery Place, tonight, is indescribable! I love the solace, the quiet, the beautiful artwork and the people that I can observe without engaging in discourse! I love that I only have to worry about me right now! Thanks for letting me go tonight, Jamie!!!
In truth the exhibits and artwork were amazing! We even had a meditation class at the end. It was REALLY good too. The instructor gave us some wonderful tips for breathing (which is all meditation really is) and how to be "in the moment" and listen to your body. Before the class began, we were all in semi-comfortable chairs in a dimly lit space. All were seated except our instructor, two Discovery employees and a man on the last row behind me. He had no chair. The instructor asked him, "Sir, are you comfortable standing back there?" The poor guy wasn't comfortable. He was embarrassed at being called out in front of everyone in surroundings that all but said, "We require quiet, reverance and respect in this place." Here this pitiful guy felt like he had broken the rules. As fate would have it, who do you think had an extra chair beside her? Yep! Me! I quietly turned around pointed to my chair and mouthed the words, "Would you like this chair?' He nodded profusely and said, "Yes. Please." As quietly as we could, we made our way to each other and the chair exchanged hands. I could tell his wife was trying to say something to her husband in regards to me, but I didn't pay it a lot of attention as I assumed they were just grateful.
When the class ended, I was indeed refreshed. I was exiting the class alone and speculating about the best way to get to my car, out of the cold and to the parking garage. Honestly, I was a little nervous since I had seen several homeless people and others hanging around outside on my way in. Walking briskly and in deep thought, I keep hearing someone behind me. Finally, the words were audible, "Hey! Honey that IS Her. That is the salsa girl. Look! The one with blonde hair."
The lady began to yell in my direction, "Excuse me! Excuse me! Ma'am." I turned and said, "Yes?" The wife of the man who was in need of the chair said, "Hey! You're the salsa girl!" My expression was evident: What? What in this world is this lady talking about?
I responded, "I'm sorry?" She said, "You gave me the salsa at the Belmont Aldi! Remember? I told my husband all about you. I said, "Honey she was so kind. She didn't have to do that for me, but she did!"
With these words, I understood...with these words my heart was flooded with how amazingly orchestrated our lives can be.
Thursday, February 4 at 4:45, I was at TSS in Gastonia working on lessons. I was copied on an email to Belmont Staff that my good buddy, Deb Elmore, was in need of Krispy Kreme coupons to reward her students. My plan was to leave TSS and go to Aldi's in Gastonia on the way home in order to pick up the food for our birthday lunch the next day; however, I knew I had some coupons. I love how Deb is always finding ways to express to her students how much they mean to her, and I wanted to help her do that. She was working with a Homebound student at Belmont Middle. So, I decided to take the coupons to her school. The next most logical step was to just go to Belmont Aldi's (by the way I really don't like this store as much as my Lincolnton one...just saying).
While I was there, I saw this "Texas Caviar" in a jar. Now I love me some Texas Caviar (at least how I make it). I grabbed three jars as I was checking off my shopping list: one jar for work the next day, one jar for my family and one jar to give away. At the checkout, my Northern-bred cashier was very curious about this "caviar". I explained that it wasn't actually caviar...and included in my explanation that frankly the Southern/Texas caviar is much better! The lady in line behind me was inquisitive. She said, "Ma'am, excuse me, but if you don't mind me asking, where did you get that?" I looked at her and she looked tired--like she had had a longer day than me. I said, "Oh, no bother, Honey! It's just right over there. Let me grab you a jar." She said, "Oh, no...you don't have to do that." I said, "Oh...I know right where it is. I'll be back in a flash." She and the cashier thanked me several more times...and that was that---or so I thought!
Tonight that little customer in the Belmont Aldi's, with the husband in desperate need of a char, flagged me down tonight and gave me a big ol' Southern Bell hug! We chatted and exchanged numbers. Her husband thanked me for the chair and the caviar. The lady (her name is Anna) and I found out we have lots in common. I discovered that my heart was right in discerning that she had had a hard day on last Thursday. I discovered or rediscovered more than this though...only moments before I confessed on Facebook that Yes! I am a hopeless romantic. My heart is tender. My heart loves easily. God has created me to feel compassion and mercy in a way that is His gift to me, but because I feel so intensely, my heart is often not surprised! I have big faith and believe the impossible is possible. So, when a hopeless, romantic with a "Texas" sized heart is overcome with how loved she is when she is so unworthy...it can only be the workings of a God who made the very BIG "Texas" in reference, brought her in contact with some (not very good) Aldi's Texas Caviar and who formed her very tender heart before He formed the impressive world.
I am in awe that Someone so amazing and so BIG would chase the heart of someone so unworthy and so small! It reminds me that however hard life can kick the breath out of you is to the extent that God can all the more breathe new life into your soul!
This is my Anna!
The Charlotte Skyline where I can to pull my car over for a moment after leaving Discovery Place!
The TEXAS CAVIAR!!
Two years ago...not quite a year after Dad's passing. I was telling that horse that as much as he was liking me...he would have LOVED my Daddy all the more...and my Daddy would have LOVED him!
