It's been twelve days since Dad died, the man that I didn't think could die, and in many ways he hasn't. He lives in my heart, in the twinkle of my son's eyes and in the dimples that my sister and I proudly wear. He also lives in the memories that comfort me. There is no doubt that I will see him again.
Today was one of those days, Buddy! I, of course, miss my dad; but there is also the sorting out of what life will be like now. What are our new roles? What do we do with all of his things? Will we ever need to plan vacations around Dad's health? No. I still have that can of sardines I bought him that no one appreciates except the two of us. Do I need to buy sardines again? How do his beloved dogs feel now that their favorite person is no longer here. It's just the new adjustment to life that knocks you off balance these days. The ultimate question I guess is "Who am I now?"
What an appropriate day for this question. I went to help one of my sweet seventh grade band directors with some tech integration after school. I wasn't sure how much I would have to offer, but it turns out that it was a Divine appointment. We shared and we worked. We brainstormed and are excited about some plans we made for next year...a new year! A year where there will be more excitment, more growth opportunities, more celebrations and more differences to be made! We finally concluded our meeting, but since her bandroom is apart from the school, I was locked out of the building. This was a Divine appointment too. I got a teacher to let me in where I worked from the cafeteria until the end of the day. This cafeteria was a defining point in my life!
As a seventh girl who was awkward, shy, smart and pensive I spent a lot of moments in this same cafeteria wondering who I am and what was my purpose. I sat there this afternoon vividly remembering where I sat all those years ago, who sat around me, the nervous middle school knot in my stomach and the silent prayers that I shared between the Lord and I. I remembered that He never forsook me. He took care of me then.
As I sat there remembering, a Christian brother and pastor like my dad, happened into the silent, dimly lit cafeteria. He showed me a picture of his beautiful one week old baby girl and told me the story of what a miracle she is. He beamed! I loved hearing the story of such a proud parent. What a great dad! Then I received my gift from God and from a brother...he said, "Mrs. Montgomery, I believe in taking care of things in the present. When God speaks to my heart, I like to quickly obey. I'd like to pray for you and your family right now." (Those of you who know me-- know this is NOT a problem for me). He reminded that my dad is in my future not my past. He reminded me not to put a period where God put a comma. He said, "Mrs. Montgomery, your low places prepare you for your high places!" I know this and believe this with everything I am! What he didn't know is that Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard, a Christian allegory, made a huge impact on my life all these years ago! As he took my hand and began to pray, I heard him with tears streaming down my face say the most beautiful prayer. He concluded by saying, "Father, Mrs. Montgomery, will dwell under Your shelter, our Most High; and she will rest under the shadow of Your wings." Psalm 91:1.
In this sweet moment, I was reminded again of who I am (or rather whose I am). I am more than a daughter of the amazing man, Ronnie Harstin. I am the daughter of Jehovah-'Izoa Hakaboth---Lord Strong and Mighty!
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