Thomas Wolfe said, "You can't go home again"...hmmm! Really? I've been pondering this a lot lately as I have returned for my second term as an instructional technology facilitator. I am now in my second year of my second time back, but it's my fifth year total. I finally feel that I am "home" in a sense. I adore my co-workers and get a lot of fulfillment from working with my assigned staff and students. Today, was one of those days when I feel I made the difference for a media specialist, and I loved it when a student called me by name as I walked down the hall. I had to take a double-take to recall how this student even knew me. It finally came to me, "OH yeah!! I taught his class how to use Google Gmail, last week! Yay! He remembered my name" (Happy dance on the side... I guess we never get too old or too sophisticated to appreciate being called by name)!!
Returning "home" is an amazing thing! Sometimes, I wonder why I left. Sometimes I am afraid I'll have to leave again. Today, was both of these extremes for me. There was excitement about lessons to be co-taught this week, anticipation over celebrating an upcoming birthday party with my coworker family, and pride in overcoming a professional milestone (My ITF certification should be in the mail any day). Then, there was the moment where we were asked to share something we learned at a conference. This is a dreaded moment for the "Old Lisa" who would rather be behind-the-scenes. That same tightening in my stomache and second-guessing what to prepare was there. "What 'most exciting' tool, gadget, trinket, THING can I share?" Ugghh!! I was in that same old downward spiral, tailspin...but only for a moment. This time coming home is different. This time, I know who I am and finally see clearly what I missed before.
As I sat trying to think about what "thing" to share that would change humanity forever (LOL!), I realized that this was the wrong question. The question is, "What made me most passionate at my conference? What will make me want to change my teaching practices to be a better educator? What might make someone else want to change to make the difference for a student?" Then, I knew. I had my answer. It wasn't going to be a thing afterall. It was going to be a belief...a pedagogy. I knew what to share. Some people get excited about things, gadgets, who-dads. They are the people like my twin brother who take everything apart to see what makes it tick. They are quite fascinating people, and I am in such awe of them. On this trip "home", however, I realize that it is okay to be the person who puts things back together to see how beautiful they look as a whole. Not all of us have to be the explorer-scientists. Some of us can be the healer-doctors.
Before as an ITF, I was focused on learning new tools and finding new apps, discovering new programs; and I was very bored and unfulfilled. This was not my passion. My passion is finding out what makes a person tick, what his/her favorite moments are, what makes him/her want to get up in the morning, what is the last thing he/she thinks of at night, what life luxury could that person not live without (for me that is bubble baths, bubble gum and beautiful music), what hurt has this person survived that has made him/her stronger? I was asking the wrong questions before. I was focused on the things not the people for whom the things were made. I couldn't sale "things". I couldn't peddle that as hard as I tried. I didn't care about that. So, I thought I had to leave "home" to find people who thought the same way as me. The irony is...the people back "home" were those people who thought like me. We often leave "home" in search of "something". The amazing thing is that we usually find ourselves rather than the something else for which we are looking. We also usually discover that everything we really loved was back "home" all along.
Tonight, I am very happy to be back "home", and I am even more happy to be home as the Lisa I love and even sometimes like...the Lisa who prefers people to apps, listening to talking and behind-the-scenes to out-front-for-the world to-see! Much love to my "family" who patiently let me take this journey and then welcomed me back home when it was time! Thank you for making me passionate about the technology we use as a vehicle to love the people that I am passionate about serving.
“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
